It’s returned, the soul-consuming monster I believed I’d eluded.
I should have known this would happen, how could I have been so stupid?
Thinking perhaps, this was it, I had killed the beast.
Killed. There it is, my stupidity.
At best, I maimed it, allowing me a few months of peace, of control
Strong again now its come back, ready to devour me whole.
Once again, food is impossible to consume,
Victory regressed, celebration was far to soon.
Satisfaction from making it a whole day with barely a meal,
World spinning constantly mixed with waves of nausea, but I can deal.
Feign I’m perfectly fine as I submit to my familiar dance with the demon.
Sinking fast in the hole, no escape to be found.
Someone noticing is always uncommon,
And my body’s too tired, my mind exhausted
Again he claims victory in this round.
And I fear he’ll claim my life
326 am and homework seems impossible
for this is the hour of the night when my mind seems like an abyss.
Writing essays and solving equations just isn’t plausible,
I’d like to stop overthinking but that’s just a stupid wish.
I’m hungry I’m tired I’m cold I’m alone,
And I’m sitting here thinking what’s the point of this fancy new phone
If I don’t have anyone to call
As I sit here alone in my car,
Wondering If I should make a new scar
I wish I had someone to say to
I’m about to fall right off
the edge of sanity
I’m about to plummet from
The precipice of recovery
It’s too late, the blades in my hand.
Someday I hope you’ll understand.
But maybe, this pointless song will serve as a distraction
Allowing me just a tiny fraction
Hopefully I’ll put this shiny blade down,
I hope that I’ll be able to win this round
That I Walk away without splitting my skin.
And not succumb to the demon within.
My mind is like a broken mirror
Pieces everywhere, scattered apart.
Peace can only be achieved
When again they come together, but between them exists an invisible barrier
Pushing the pieces further apart,
Pushing peace farther away.
All my thoughts feel disjointed
So I paint on a fake smile,
I pretend everything is ok, I pretend everything is perfect,
Should I have lied to you?
Should I have feigned innocence,
Pretended I hadn’t a clue?
I used to think honesty was the best way to go,
But now I feel as if all it does is show
The one thing people fear and avoid:
That nagging thing that can eat you inside,
So what can I do now?
Tell me, how I can execute damage control.
Because I’m sitting here wringing my hands,
And the worry is taking a toll.
Tell me how I can patch this over,
I wish I could make you just forget.
Forget that one truth, or better off yet,
I wish i could just erase your mind of all that I ever said.
Time progresses, the list grows shorter.
Perhaps, once in a while, a name or two,
Perhaps once in a while, a hope, a desire,
fills a space.
But most of the time, they’re only
He keeps waiting for it to finally reach the point of
e m p t y
He keeps waiting for that moment to come, so he can finally
Today, only two things remained.
Finally, he grew unable to wait any longer, couldn’t stand to wait
So he ripped off a piece of the list scribbled 8 words and set that on his desk.
Then, with anticipation burning through his veins, making his head throb,
making his hands shake
His room, empty now, deprived of the human presence which had once
The scrap of paper, held down by the lid of a bottle, waited for someone to
waited for someone to
Just 8 ordinary words written by someone who had nothing left to say.
Not your fault. I’m sorry. I love you.
And the crumpled up list which had lived in his pocket for months he kept in his
He held onto it as he closed his eyes and floated away.
At the top, in his cramped writing, were written three words.
Reasons to Stay
Let out your demons, you might as well let them play
I told you that this would happen, I told you that you’d crawl back and say
“Please take me, heal these open wounds”
I told you it’d be impossible to get rid of these ghouls.
“The old castle’s deserted, the people long gone.
The only thing breathing is ghosts, dreaming of battles they won.
Footsteps forgotten, erased by the dust,
unmoving hinges, covered in rust.”